FatCratz

Know Your Member II: The Combination

Thanks to a new contributor, here's the second installment of Know Your Member (explained here). Like the first, this one is a little hard to believe. But I'm not sure how you could make it up, either.

I read your story about Congressman who was throwing out staplers, and had to laugh. I worked for a member who from time to time was a little paranoid, and though the following didn't happen to me, I was in the office when it occurred.

Our boss was at the airport getting ready to board his plane on the way back to the district, when he called in a panic because he had left his eyeglasses and some other personal items in his DC apartment. He wanted an assistant to run to his house, pick them up, and deliver them to the airport before the plane took off. The only problem was that the assistant didn't have keys to the place.

Fortunately, there was one of those real estate key boxes on the door with a combo lock. Here's where things get a bit surreal. The Congressman didn't want to reveal the combo over the phone. It wasn't clear whether he thought someone might be wiretapping his calls, or someone in the seat beside him might be listening in (and know who he was, and where he lived, and memorize the combo, etc.).

Solution? The Congressman asked his assistant to guess the combo. Four or five digits, one digit at a time. After each guess, he'd give hints ("higher" or "lower"). And when he got it right, he'd signal in the affirmative.

"Know Your Member" Explained

A recent contribution to FatCratz has inspired--we hope--the creation of a new feature: Know Your Member.

We begin with a serious tip of the hat to Stephen Colbert's "Better Know a District" feature. Members of Congress are human. Colbert's stroke of genius was to allow Members to put their full humanity on display by setting them in front of a camera, hitting "record," and asking questions. If you never seen the result, click the above link and have a laugh.

"Better Know a District" shows that there's no better way to put the humanity of our leaders on display than to let them talk for themselves.

FatCratz believes, however, that there is a close runner up: letting their employees talk about them.

Now, this is a dicey proposition. No one wants to get caught telling potentially embarrassing stories about their boss, particularly when you are an "at will" employee. But like all aspects of FatCratz, contributors to Know Your Member, as will the identity of the Member in question.

And let's face it, there's a lot of plausible deniability. We all know these stories fly around the Hill. The story you submit doesn't have to be about your own boss.

What's the point of this feature? All Members of Congress from time to time act like FatCratz, and who can blame them? They are besieged by people pampering them, and seeking their favor. Keeping them humble is a good thing. As is reminding the people they represent that they are merely human.

Oh, and while we're keeping them humble it doesn't hurt to have a laugh.

Know Your Member I: The Stapler

Here's a contribution that has the potential to start a new feature. We'll see if we get some more stories in this vein:

Not sure that this qualifies for "FatCratz," but one of my favorite stories from my days working on the Hill was about the Office Manager who noticed that they were always short of staplers in their office. They were purchased, placed on desks, and then went AWOL.

After some investigation, it was finally determined that the Member in question was unaware that you could refill a stapler. Whenever he used the final staple, he would throw the whole thing away.

I think it qualifies. Here's why:

Members are human. In my experience, this was one of the great revelations of working on the Hill. And we at FatCratz believe it is useful to remind ourselves of this from time to time. The more our leaders remain humble, the more they'll fulfill their responsibility to represent our interests, and not their own.

So, what do you say Hill staffers. Any good stories about your Member?

(Know Your Member explained.)

[UPDATE: Good news. We've received another "Know Your Member" submission. We'll post it tomorrow.